115 lines
4.6 KiB
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115 lines
4.6 KiB
Plaintext
From 0xdeadbeef-request@petting-zoo.net Thu Oct 3 12:22:21 2002
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Wed, 2 Oct 2002 16:36:16 -0700 (PDT)
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From: gkm@petting-zoo.net (glen mccready)
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To: 0xdeadbeef@petting-zoo.net
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Subject: I was such an ugly baby...
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Date: Wed, 02 Oct 2002 16:36:07 -0700
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Forwarded-by: Chris Wedgwood <cw@f00f.org>
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From: Bert
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01. I was so poor growing up... if I wasn't a boy... I'd have had
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nothing to play with.
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02. A girl phoned me the other day and said, "Come on over; nobody's
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home." I went over. Nobody was home.
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03. During sex, my girlfriend always wants to talk to me. Just the
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other night she called me from a hotel
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04. One day I came home early from work... I saw a guy jogging
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naked. I said to the guy, "Hey buddy, why are you doing that?" He
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said "Because you came home early."
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05. It's been a rough day. I got up this morning... put a shirt on
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and button fell off. I picked up my briefcase, and the handle
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came off. I'm afraid to go to the bathroom.
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06. I was such an ugly kid... When I played in the sandbox, the cat
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kept covering me up.
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07. I could tell my parents hated me. My bath toys were a toaster and
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radio.
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08. I was such an ugly baby... My mother never breast fed me. She
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told me that she only liked me as a friend.
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09. I'm so ugly... My father carries around a picture of the kid who
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came with his wallet.
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10. When I was born, the doctor came into the waiting room and said to
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my father, "I'm sorry. We did everything we could, but he pulled
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through."
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11. I'm so ugly... My mother had morning sickness... AFTER I was
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born.
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12. I remember the time that I was kidnapped and they sent a piece of
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my finger to my father. He said he wanted more proof.
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13. Once when I was lost, I saw a policeman, and asked him to help me
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find my parents. I said to him, "Do you think we'll ever find
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them?" He said,"I don't know kid. There's so many places they can
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hide."
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14. My wife made me join a bridge club. I jump off next Tuesday.
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15. I'm so ugly... I worked in a pet shop, and people kept asking how
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big I'd get.
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16. I went to see my doctor. "Doctor, every morning when I get up and
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I look in the mirror... I feel like throwing up; What's wrong
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with me?" He said... "I don't know but your eyesight is perfect."
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17. I went to the doctor because I'd swallowed a bottle of sleeping
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pills. My doctor told me to have a few drinks and get some rest.
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18. With my old man I got no respect. I asked him, "How can I get my
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kite in the air?" He told me to run off a cliff.
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19. Some dog I got. We call him Egypt because in every room he leaves
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a pyramid. His favorite bone is in my arm. Last night he went on
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the paper four times - three of those times I was reading it.
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20. One year they wanted to make me poster boy - for birth control.
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21. My uncle's dying wish was to have me sitting in his lap; he was in
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the electric chair.
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