From fork-admin@xent.com Wed Sep 18 17:43:31 2002 Return-Path: Delivered-To: yyyy@localhost.example.com Received: from localhost (jalapeno [127.0.0.1]) by jmason.org (Postfix) with ESMTP id 1544E16F03 for ; Wed, 18 Sep 2002 17:43:30 +0100 (IST) Received: from jalapeno [127.0.0.1] by localhost with IMAP (fetchmail-5.9.0) for jm@localhost (single-drop); Wed, 18 Sep 2002 17:43:30 +0100 (IST) Received: from xent.com ([64.161.22.236]) by dogma.slashnull.org (8.11.6/8.11.6) with ESMTP id g8IFmlC05232 for ; Wed, 18 Sep 2002 16:48:48 +0100 Received: from lair.xent.com (localhost [127.0.0.1]) by xent.com (Postfix) with ESMTP id 579FF2940C5; Wed, 18 Sep 2002 08:45:06 -0700 (PDT) Delivered-To: fork@example.com Received: from rwcrmhc52.attbi.com (rwcrmhc52.attbi.com [216.148.227.88]) by xent.com (Postfix) with ESMTP id 92CFB29409E for ; Wed, 18 Sep 2002 08:44:14 -0700 (PDT) Received: from Intellistation ([66.31.2.27]) by rwcrmhc52.attbi.com (InterMail vM.4.01.03.27 201-229-121-127-20010626) with ESMTP id <20020918154734.SMXN6128.rwcrmhc52.attbi.com@Intellistation> for ; Wed, 18 Sep 2002 15:47:34 +0000 Content-Type: text/plain; charset="iso-8859-1" From: Eirikur Hallgrimsson Organization: Electric Brain To: fork@example.com Subject: Re: [VoID] a new low on the personals tip... User-Agent: KMail/1.4.1 References: <20020918104740.5A00BC44D@argote.ch> In-Reply-To: <20020918104740.5A00BC44D@argote.ch> MIME-Version: 1.0 Content-Transfer-Encoding: 8bit Message-Id: <200209181145.50631.eh@mad.scientist.com> Sender: fork-admin@xent.com Errors-To: fork-admin@xent.com X-Beenthere: fork@example.com X-Mailman-Version: 2.0.11 Precedence: bulk List-Help: List-Post: List-Subscribe: , List-Id: Friends of Rohit Khare List-Unsubscribe: , List-Archive: Date: Wed, 18 Sep 2002 11:45:50 -0400 X-Spam-Status: No, hits=-8.7 required=7.0 tests=AWL,EMAIL_ATTRIBUTION,IN_REP_TO,KNOWN_MAILING_LIST, NOSPAM_INC,REFERENCES,USER_AGENT,USER_AGENT_KMAIL version=2.50-cvs X-Spam-Level: On Wednesday 18 September 2002 06:47 am, Robert Harley wrote: > ....and with the crucial hair feature enabled! That got a good laugh out of me. Just saying "crucial hair feature" improves my day immeasurably. I've done a fair amount of thinking about the "media intermediated" meeting thing. It seriously loses for reasons like Rohit's just encountered. One is both rejected for trivial reasons and rejects for the same. Some people loudly defend that these choices are not trivial. I'd have never met my best friend if I had to pick her out of a crowd for getting to know. I was a teen at the time, but I won't say I'm much improved at being able to spot "interesting" at a distance. Interesting isn't an external thing. I have that brought home to me again every so often. I may think that interesting people dress differently or whatever, but that's total superstition. How do I know what your version of creative attire is? Maybe it's purely functional. I was at a loud party recently, sufficiently loud that conversation of any kind was extremely difficult, and intoxication was the norm. I was working on what my algorithm for meeting people there should be and one of the candidates was "women, in order of attractiveness." I flinched from that, rather violently. At a trade show, or something, I might elect to talk to the people who are looking at interesting exhibits. At a party.....well, if you can't hear the conversation they are having, or if on the net all you have is a photo..... You just can't tell important things from a picture and a few words. It's not how we are built. There's no geek code for the heart and soul. (And if there were people would lie and game the system.) It's too easy to say "Oh, no! He's a geek!" or "She's a CAT person, ick!" when you might have a great time together. We are constructed to form alliances based on how we fit together as people, how we feel in the other person's company, how well we partner on tasks and recreation. This is all entirely speculative based on nothing but superstitious association unless you actually have time in the person's company. Which is why we tend to be screwed when our circle of exposure shrinks after school. Personally, as a writer, the whole internet meet & email thing ought to work better for me than it does for other people, but interestingly, it doesn't. I have to put out the same amount of effort and reap about the same poor results. I have to think it's not the people, but the tool. An aside (okay, yes, I'm a tool geek): Speed Dating Speed Dating (aka 7 Minute Dating) is a live-action stab at actual time in the company of a variety of people, compressed into one event. I think it's noticably better, but still absolutely nothing like working on a project together, cooking, climbing a mountain or whatever. It was, in fact, invented as a jewish thing seeking to match up the young people to avoid total assimilation. It has too much "interview" context and no shared activity beyond that. I give it several points for effort though. I guess my impression that even the Speed Dating thing doesn't do much for you means that the traditional advice of "join activities groups" is actually sound. Eirikur