160 lines
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160 lines
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From martin@srv0.ems.ed.ac.uk Wed Aug 28 10:54:40 2002
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Date: Wed, 28 Aug 2002 09:31:57 +0100
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Subject: [zzzzteana] Emigrate to Russia? That's a steppe too far
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The Electronic Telegraph
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Emigrate to Russia? That's a steppe too far
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(Filed: 28/08/2002)
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So you think you've got it bad: fed up with Folkestone, bored with Birmingham
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or sick of Sheffield.
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Those 54 per cent of Britons - according to a Daily Telegraph/YouGov survey
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this week - who dream of a stress-free life in sunnier climes should perhaps
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heed a word of friendly advice on the realities of living abroad.
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Kommersant, a Russian daily newspaper, yesterday offered those dissatisfied
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with life in Blair's Britain a taste of what to expect should they choose to
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emigrate to provincial Russia.
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After reading about the gripes of affluent Britons, its tongue-in-cheek
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article admitted, however, that the grass was not always greener on the other
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side.
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"The inhabitants of foggy Albion keen to travel could go to any Russian city
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deep in the provinces where things are quiet," said Kommersant.
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"In any central Russian district, life, by British standards, is unseemingly
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cheap and remarkably laid back. By 11am most of the working population are
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becoming 'traditionally' relaxed."
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The time for elevenses in Britain - perhaps the opportunity for a quiet cup of
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tea and a chocolate Hobnob - is known in Russia as the Wolf Hour.
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It was so named in Soviet times because at 11am a wolf appeared from the
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famous animal clock at the Obrasov Puppet Theatre in Moscow. It is also
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opening time in the nation's vodka shops.
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And the vodka, like all other spirits, is cheap. Kommersant pointed out that
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"the money a Briton can earn from selling even the most shabby house would be
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enough to support them at the local standard of living for the rest of their
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life.
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"The local shops are full of all they would need and they could buy a bottle
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of whisky for kopecks."
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There are 100 kopecks in a ruble and the ruble is currently worth about a
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halfpenny in sterling.
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The whisky is cheap, however, because it is unlike anything the average Briton
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will have consumed before. It is made of samagon - home-distilled, moonshine
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vodka - coloured with tea, and is a popular beverage in rural areas and among
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diehard alcoholics.
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While alcohol is plentiful and cheap, food may not be so easy to come by. The
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newspaper pointed out that traditional British foodstuffs - it selected oxtail
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soup as an example - were in short supply. However, the wealth of the British
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settler should overcome the difficulty.
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"For a modest reward in most Russian villages, the locals would happily cut
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off the tails from the entire collective farm's herd of cattle."
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One or two potential emigr<67>s might be deterred by language difficulties. There
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are few English speakers to be found among the green hills of Tula on the
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Mongolian border.
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However, Kommersant pointed out, language difficulties were not considered a
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deterrent by the 13 per cent of Britons who nominated France as the country in
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which they would like to live.
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France, the Russian paper claimed, was a country "where English is only known
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by the beggars, Belorussian prostitutes and Russian tourists".
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Despite the low cost of living and the easy-going lifestyle, the Russian
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weather remains a major stumbling block for Britons.
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Even in the most temperate regions, winter temperatures of -20C are common.
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And somewhere like the Sakha Republic - east of Siberia and the coldest place
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in the world - enjoys just one month of summer and endures winter temperatures
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that drop below -70C. Houses are built on concrete stilts because the
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permafrost makes digging foundations impossible.
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Again, the Russian paper had a word of reassurance. While acknowledging the
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climatic problems, it said that "thanks to global warming this difficulty will
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solve itself".
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Kommersant also had an answer to the labour crisis that would be created in
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Britain if 54 per cent of its citizens decided to opt for a life in Russia.
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"Thirty-three million Russians could be sent to Britain to replace the 33
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million who leave. We think that the required number could probably be found
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amongst our citizens."
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Unfortunately for those 33 million Russians, however, not one of those Britons
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surveyed who wanted to move abroad nominated the Russian steppes as their
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preferred new home.
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