121 lines
5.5 KiB
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121 lines
5.5 KiB
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From fork-admin@xent.com Wed Sep 18 17:43:31 2002
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<fork@xent.com>; Wed, 18 Sep 2002 15:47:34 +0000
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From: Eirikur Hallgrimsson <eh@mad.scientist.com>
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Organization: Electric Brain
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To: fork@spamassassin.taint.org
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Subject: Re: [VoID] a new low on the personals tip...
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Date: Wed, 18 Sep 2002 11:45:50 -0400
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On Wednesday 18 September 2002 06:47 am, Robert Harley wrote:
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> ....and with the crucial hair feature enabled!
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That got a good laugh out of me. Just saying "crucial hair feature"
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improves my day immeasurably.
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I've done a fair amount of thinking about the "media intermediated" meeting
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thing. It seriously loses for reasons like Rohit's just encountered.
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One is both rejected for trivial reasons and rejects for the same.
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Some people loudly defend that these choices are not trivial.
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I'd have never met my best friend if I had to pick her out of a crowd for
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getting to know. I was a teen at the time, but I won't say I'm much
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improved at being able to spot "interesting" at a distance. Interesting
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isn't an external thing. I have that brought home to me again every so
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often. I may think that interesting people dress differently or whatever,
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but that's total superstition. How do I know what your version of
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creative attire is? Maybe it's purely functional.
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I was at a loud party recently, sufficiently loud that conversation of any
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kind was extremely difficult, and intoxication was the norm. I was
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working on what my algorithm for meeting people there should be and one of
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the candidates was "women, in order of attractiveness." I flinched from
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that, rather violently. At a trade show, or something, I might elect to
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talk to the people who are looking at interesting exhibits. At a
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party.....well, if you can't hear the conversation they are having, or if
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on the net all you have is a photo.....
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You just can't tell important things from a picture and a few words. It's
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not how we are built. There's no geek code for the heart and soul.
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(And if there were people would lie and game the system.)
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It's too easy to say "Oh, no! He's a geek!" or "She's a CAT person,
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ick!" when you might have a great time together.
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We are constructed to form alliances based on how we fit together as
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people, how we feel in the other person's company, how well we partner on
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tasks and recreation. This is all entirely speculative based on nothing
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but superstitious association unless you actually have time in the
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person's company. Which is why we tend to be screwed when our circle of
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exposure shrinks after school.
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Personally, as a writer, the whole internet meet & email thing ought to
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work better for me than it does for other people, but interestingly, it
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doesn't. I have to put out the same amount of effort and reap about the
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same poor results. I have to think it's not the people, but the tool.
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An aside (okay, yes, I'm a tool geek): Speed Dating
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Speed Dating (aka 7 Minute Dating) is a live-action stab at actual time in
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the company of a variety of people, compressed into one event. I think
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it's noticably better, but still absolutely nothing like working on a
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project together, cooking, climbing a mountain or whatever.
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It was, in fact, invented as a jewish thing seeking to match up the young
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people to avoid total assimilation. It has too much "interview" context
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and no shared activity beyond that. I give it several points for effort
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though.
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I guess my impression that even the Speed Dating thing doesn't do much for
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you means that the traditional advice of "join activities groups" is
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actually sound.
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Eirikur
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