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2.1 KiB
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Ah, Lucio Fulci, rest in peace. This infamous Italian is most<br /><br />famous for "Zombie," and the absolutely unwatchable "The<br /><br />Psychic" and "Manhattan Baby." Well, add this to the unwatchable<br /><br />list.<br /><br />The plot, as it were, concerns a nekkid woman who wears a gold<br /><br />mask and a G-string. She wants the power of a young dubbed<br /><br />stud who has a set of magic arrows and a bow. They are magic<br /><br />because they glow. Arrow boy teams up with a guy in a bad wig,<br /><br />and they spend most of the movie rescuing each other from flat<br /><br />action sequences. In the end, the nekkid chick is defeated, but not<br /><br />before taking the mask off and reminding me why I broke up with<br /><br />my high school girlfriend.<br /><br />Fulci bathes every shot in an orange glow and fills the screen with<br /><br />smoke. Nothing like a smoky orange action sequence to make you<br /><br />crave Sunny Delight and a cigarette. The special effects are<br /><br />laughable. In one sequence, our ambiguously gay duo are<br /><br />attacked by dozens of arrows that are obviously pin scratches on<br /><br />the film itself. The majority of the effects budget must have been<br /><br />spent on the Fulci-licious gore, which consists entirely of spurting<br /><br />wounds. Hey, we can all use a good spurting wound once in a<br /><br />while, but when you get into spurting wound overkill, it gets boring.<br /><br />I kept having to play with the brightness setting on my TV anyway<br /><br />just to see what the heck was happening.<br /><br />There is lots of talk of fulfilling omens and prophecies, so let me<br /><br />do a little look into the future...if you find this movie and watch it,<br /><br />you will regret it. The scene on the video box (by Media) does not<br /><br />appear in the film in any context whatsoever. "Conquest" is a con<br /><br />job. What MST3K could have done with this!<br /><br />This is rated (R) for strong physical violence, strong gore, female<br /><br />nudity, brief male nudity, and mild sexual content.<br /><br /> |